every bowl, ranked

The Archive

★ Cold Milk Takes · New Review Every Month · Since 1990 ★

Bowls

7.1

Avg Score

Felonies

★ This Weeks Scoop

New

Toy Story 5 Vanilla Flavored Loops

Toy Story 5 Loops are vanilla Apple Jacks with the dial cranked all the way up, and the nostalgia hits harder than the sugar.

8.8

BUY ALL FOUR BOXES.

The rest of the rack

Toy Story 5 Vanilla Flavored Loops

Toy Story 5 Loops are vanilla Apple Jacks with the dial cranked all the way up, and the nostalgia hits harder than the sugar.

8.8

September 19, 2026

5 min crunch

Backflip Strawberry Milkshake

Backflip nails the crunch and cleans up the ingredient list, then lets a monk fruit aftertaste walk all over the strawberry. Mid, with a better label than most.

6.5

September 18, 2026

5 min crunch

Tropical Trix

Tropical Trix doesn’t try to reinvent the classic. It just adds mango, keeps the crunch, and lets the shape do the rest. That restraint is the smartest decision this box makes.

8.3

August 7, 2026

5 min crunch

Peanut Butter Crunch

Peanut Butter Crunch tastes like Cap’n Crunch that walked past a jar of peanut butter and called it a day. The crunch is real. The peanut butter is a rumor.

7.6

July 24, 2026

5 min crunch

Chocolate

Chocolate Cheerios

This is not the sugar-bomb chocolate cereal you’re bracing for. It’s the one that shows up quiet and leaves an actual cocoa bitterness behind, and it earns that surprise.

8.0

July 11, 2026

5 min crunch

Cinnamon, Cursed, Protein

Catalina Crunch Cinnamon Toast

Catalina Crunch Cinnamon Toast has good macros. That is the only thing it has. The macros don’t fix what happens when you put it in your mouth.

2.2

July 1, 2026

5 min crunch

Fruit, Limited, Marshmallow

Strawberry Lucky Charms (Limited Edition, Super Mario Galaxy Movie)

Strawberry Lucky Charms — the Super Mario Galaxy Limited Edition — is running the most convincing strawberry flavor in the cereal aisle. General Mills went and made something actually good while trying to sell a movie.

8.6

June 25, 2026

5 min crunch

Fruit, Limited

Wicked Glinda Good Berry (Limited Edition)

The first bite of Glinda Good Berry promises something real. By bite three, the aftertaste has taken over and the promise is gone.

6.5

June 25, 2026

5 min crunch

Chocolate, Foreign

Chocapic

Chocapic is a French chocolate pebble that turns your milk into a crime scene and earns every ounce of its 40-year run. It slaps.

7.6

June 24, 2026

5 min crunch

Marshmallow, Protein

Ghost Protein Cereal x Lucky Charms

Ghost Protein x Lucky Charms is the most nutritionally correct cereal we’ve put in a bowl. It’s also the one most likely to remind you that “protein-flavored” is a flavor profile.

5.8

June 24, 2026

5 min crunch

Foreign, Healthy

Weetabix

Weetabix is Britain’s #1 cereal and a functioning case study in national stubbornness. It dissolves in ~60 seconds, tastes like compressed wheat ambivalence, and every way you try to eat it is the wrong way.

2.7

June 23, 2026

5 min crunch

Chocolate, Nostalgic, Peanut butter

Reese’s Puffs

Reese’s Puffs didn’t invent peanut butter cereal. It just made every other version feel like an apology.

9.1