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every bowl, ranked

The Archive

★ Cold Milk Takes · New Review Every Month · Since 1990 ★

8
Bowls
6.8
Avg Score
19
Felonies
Chocapic Cereal Review
★ This Weeks Scoop
New

Chocapic

Chocapic is a French chocolate pebble that turns your milk into a crime scene and earns every ounce of its 40-year run. It slaps.
7.6
PICO KNOWS. TRUST THE DOG.

The rest of the rack

  • Marshmallow, Protein

Ghost Protein Cereal x Lucky Charms

Ghost Protein x Lucky Charms is the most nutritionally correct cereal we’ve put in a bowl. It’s also the one most likely to remind you that “protein-flavored” is a flavor profile.
5.8
June 24, 2026
5 min crunch
  • Foreign, Healthy

Weetabix

Weetabix is Britain’s #1 cereal and a functioning case study in national stubbornness. It dissolves in ~60 seconds, tastes like compressed wheat ambivalence, and every way you try to eat it is the wrong way.
2.7
June 23, 2026
5 min crunch
  • Chocolate, Nostalgic, Peanut butter

Reese’s Puffs

Reese’s Puffs didn’t invent peanut butter cereal. It just made every other version feel like an apology.
9.1
June 23, 2026
5 min crunch
  • Fruit

Strawberry Vanilla Chex

Strawberry Vanilla Chex is the Blueberry Chex that actually works — balanced, strawberry-forward, and purpose-built to end the bowl with a glass of Nesquik.
7.8
June 22, 2026
5 min crunch
  • Fruit

Blueberry Chex

Blueberry Chex is a tale of two experiences: a cereal that undersells itself with a salt situation that has no business being here, and a milk transformation that turns your bowl into something worth photographing. The milk won.
7.4
June 21, 2026
5 min crunch
  • Fruit

Frosted Lemon Cheerios

Frosted Lemon Cheerios is a competent, sweet, entirely inoffensive bowl that forgot to include the part that makes lemon worth eating. The dust at the bottom did not forget.
6.8
June 19, 2026
5 min crunch
  • Cinnamon, Nostalgic

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

CTC is the cereal equivalent of a hug from someone who knows you’re having a bad day. Eight bites in, you forget you have a job. By bite twenty, you have started a new life.
9.4
May 20, 2026
5 min crunch