The Elf on the Shelf North Pole Crunch Review
- Jordan Naeem
- 5 MIN CRUNCH
The opening bite
The crunch is the best thing happening here. Each piece breaks clean and loud without fighting back, which is harder than it sounds (plenty of cereals confuse crunchy with dense). Crunch level: 9.0.
The flavor shows up right behind it, and it’s Kix with bonus sugar. Corn first, then a sweet layer on top that never turns into anything more specific. No cookie, no peppermint, no cocoa. Just sweet. Straight from the box it does the work, since the crunch carries it and the extra sugar keeps you reaching. Dry snackability: 7.0.
The milk situation
Pour the milk and nothing happens. It takes on no color and no flavor, and the last sip tastes exactly like it did coming out of the jug. Milk transformation: 5.0.
Bowl longevity is the bigger issue. That great opening crunch gives up its structure in about three minutes, like Frosty walking into a hot yoga studio. By the back half of the bowl you’re eating soft corn pieces in plain milk. Bowl longevity: 6.0.
Where it loses points
The magic. This is a limited-edition Christmas cereal licensed from a magical elf, and nothing in the box knows it’s Christmas. No fun shapes. No holiday flavor. Not even marshmallows, the default move every seasonal cereal makes when it runs out of ideas. The Sugar Cookie, Hot Cocoa, and Snow Creme Elf cereals all came with them. We expected more from a box with an elf on the front.
The dust situation (6.0) doesn’t help or hurt: a normal layer of sugary crumbs, nothing to write home about.
The Good
- Loud, clean crunch that never feels hard
- Kix with bonus sugar is a respectable floor
- Solid dry snack straight from the box
- Simple, uncluttered box (7.5)
The Criminal
- Zero holiday magic for a licensed Christmas cereal
- No marshmallows, no fun shapes, no seasonal flavor
- Crunch collapses in ~3 minutes
- Does nothing to the milk
Milk Takes
The verdict
A 6.5 is mid. The crunch is real, but it can’t carry a bowl where nothing else showed up for Christmas, and with this much holiday cereal on the shelves, this is the easy one to miss. LEAVE IT ON THE SHELF.
The verdict
mid
Crunch level
9.0
Flavor payload
7.0
Milk transformation
5.0
Bowl longevity
6.0
Dust situation
6.0
Dry Snackability
7.0
Box art
7.5
Jordan Naeem
if you ate that
You'll lose your mind over these
Kellogg's Strawberry-Sando
Strawberry-sando flakes 🇯🇵
Imagine a strawberry shortcake decided to have a sit-down meeting with corn flakes. The meeting went well.
Tue · Apr 28
4 min read
Kölln Crispy Chocolate & Biscuit
Kölln Crispy Chocolate & Biscuit
German Choco Krispies hit different. Bigger flakes, deeper chocolate, milk turns into a stein of cocoa.
Tue · Apr 28
4 min read
Taco Bell Cinnamon Twists Cereal
Yes, this exists. No, we are not okay.
A fast-food chain made a cereal. We had to. Tastes like a churro got into a fight with a Krave.
Tue · Apr 28
4 min read
Get one cereal review in your inbox every Tuesday.
No spam. No garbage cereals. Unsubscribe with one click.